Gay Sex for Dummies
by Thundergryphon
Summary: LelandRandy slash Unsure of his bosses feelings for him, Randy desides to take an interesting approach to find out.


Gay Sex for Dummies  
By: Thundergryphon

Warnings: slash! But you already knew that ;)  
Pairing: Leland/Randy  
Disclaimer: I own nothing...they wouldn't even sell me coffee

* * *

Randy Disher wasn't really sure when it was that he began to have feelings for his boss. It was just a gradual thing, so it didn't come as much of a shock when he woke up one morning after having an arousing dream involving him, Leland, and a pair of handcuffs. 

When he had first started his job, Randy would constantly suck up to the captain in hopes of a promotion. He still did it long after he realized he would probably never get one, but know it was for different reasons. He wanted the captain's attention.

Randy sighed as he worked on his paperwork. Even though the captain was now divorced, Randy doubted he'd be interested in a relationship with another male. He'd seen his boss glancing a little longer than necessary at women that passed by.

Randy assumed they were attractive. He never really cared for women. Too smart for him.

"All done with those reports Lieutenant?" Randy glanced up at the object of his musings.

"Almost boss," he smiled. _Say something!!!_ his mind screamed. _Invite him out to dinner, a movie, your bedroom, anything!_

Randy ignored the protests of his mind and quickly scribbled the remaining info onto the papers, which he promptly handed to his boss.

"Thanks Randy, I'll read them tomorrow."

"Not tonight Captain?"

"No, I have a date tonight...one of Natalie's friends."

"Ohh." Once again, Randy felt rejected. Natalie had been trying to set the captain up with some of her friends for the past month. Luckily none of the women had worked out, but Randy knew it was only a matter of time before one came along that the captain liked.

Despite his disdain, he smiled and wished his boss a nice time before grabbing his jacket and walking home. The weather had been very nice lately, and Randy had decided that walking to work once in a while was a good way to keep in shape.

Following his usual route, his thought turned to the captain. Sure, he could be bossy and a little oblivious to people's feelings, but he was nice and cared deeply about his friends. That was one of the reasons Randy liked him. Randy also felt strangely happy when he was with the captain. He couldn't exactly describe it,

but it felt like nothing else was really important when they were together, no matter if they were just seeing a movie or arresting criminals. It just felt right to be with him.

_If only I could figure out how he feels about me. But it's not like I can just go up and ask him. If only..._

At that moment, Randy had happened to pass by a bookstore. A collection of brightly colored yellow books caught his eye. Curious, he walked over and skimmed through the titles until he saw what he thought may help him figure out the captain's feelings. Grinning, he walked inside.

* * *

Leland Stottlemeyer groaned as he sifted thought reports. He really wished Randy would write with a black or blue pen. As pretty as purple was, it just wasn't professional. Speaking of the devil...

"Morning boss!" said a little too perky Randy.

Leland sighed. "And what are you so happy about this morning lieutenant?" "Ohh, nothing really. How was the date?"

"Horrible. I don't know why Natalie is even friends with some of these women. This one kept talking about how feminists will be the downfall of society, and Easter is just a big marketing scam."

"Ouch. I'm sorry it didn't go well sir."

"Don't worry about it Randy. To be honest, I'm getting tired of people trying to set me up with women. I am capable of getting a date on my own."

"Sure you are sir. Anyway, I got you a present." Randy handed him a package wrapped up in brown paper. Definitely a book.

"Now, don't open it until you get home."

"Why? Is it going to explode on me or something?"

Randy almost couldn't keep a straight face as some dirty thoughts ran through his mind.

"No, I just don't think it's something you want laying around the office is all. Honest!" Randy flashed him an innocent smile.

The captain was suspicious, but decided to humor his friend.

"Alright Randy, I'll wait until I'm home to open it."

"Thanks sir, I hope you enjoy it."

_What is that boy up to? wondered Stottlemeyer. And do I want to know?_

* * *

True to his word, Stottlemeyer did not open the package until he was seated comfortable on his couch. He tore off the brown paper to reveal a yellow book. Flipping it over, he read the title. 

"Gay Sex for Dummies. What the hell? I'm going to kill him!!!"

Why in the world would Randy give him something like this? Why? He stared at the book for a minute, letting everything sink in.

Randy had bought him a book. A book detailing how to have gay sex. Why did Randy think he'd want this? Unless Randy was trying to tell him something.

"Does he think I'm gay, or is he trying to tell me he is? Or is this just some sort of sick joke?"

Confused and a little annoyed, the captain turned to the first page and began reading. It was pretty interesting, once he got into it. There was some interesting tips and facts that he never knew, and some fun looking positions as well.

He skimmed thought the entire book, reading the parts that sounded interesting to him. He now knew more about gay sex than he ever wanted to, thanks to Randy! Speaking of Randy, why had he gotten that book anyway?

Stottlemeyer sighed. "I doubt Randy wants me. He deserves some super hot chick who can devote her life to him. I mean, how could I possibly make him happy in the way he deserves?" The fish in the fish tank just stared blankly at him.

"You have a better idea?" he snapped at the fish. The fish just glanced at each other and swam to the other side of the tank.

The captain sighed again. What should he do? He wanted Randy, and had for a long time, but Randy deserved someone better. Leland's marriage had failed miserably, so

how could he possibly do better with Randy? It did help that he had greater feelings for Randy than he did for Karen, but would that make a difference?

He decided to sleep on it. Maybe the answer would come to him.

* * *

Randy fidgeted nervously in his seat. He was at his desk, waiting for the captain to arrive. He was anxious to see how his gift was received. He had decided if the captain was angry or offended, he'd just play it off as a joke.

He didn't have to wait long before Stottlemeyer arrived.

"Morning sir," said Randy and he handed his boss the cup of coffee. "How are you today?"

"Thanks Randy, I'm fine." He turned to go into his office.

"Captain," called Randy, standing up.

"Yes lieutenant?"

"Err, did you like the book?"

Stottlemeyer noted Randy's attempts to cover up his nervousness. "Why yes I did Randy. It was very interesting." With that, he walked into his office, shutting the door.

Randy stood there staring at the closed door. That's it? That's all the captain had to say about it. Confused, he sat back down and continued his reports.

Stottlemeyer sat down at his desk. That wasn't exactly what he'd been planning to say, but he chickened out at the last minute. He began to gather up his work for the morning. Poor Randy, he looked crushed. Stottlemeyer was beginning to think that maybe he should go out there any say something.

Randy chose that minute to come in, without knocking no less.

"Err, Captain, sorry to bother you."

"What's up Randy?"

"Well, umm. I was just wondering, sir. What did you really think of the book? Cause you didn't really give a concrete answer, so I was just wondering, and I hope I didn't offend you or anything. I just thought, well, I don't know what I thought. Please don't be mad."

Stottlemeyer tried to hide his smile. He was always amused when Randy babbled like that.

"Randy, have a seat." Randy started to sit on the chair across from the desk when Stottlemeyer stopped him. "Over here Randy." He gestured to a seat right next to his. Knowing that was either a good thing or a bad thing, Randy walked over and sat down.

"Before I answer your question Randy, I want you to answer mine." Randy nodded. "What was your reason for giving me that book?"

Randy sighed. How was he supposed to answer this? He really didn't want to lie.

"Well, you see sir, I figured that is was probably a subject you weren't familiar with, so I was just trying to provide you with information that may be of use to you in the future." He hoped that would satisfy the captain. Unfortunately, it didn't.

"Randy, I don't think you're telling me the whole truth here." Randy broke his gaze  
away from the captain and stared at the floor. He was beginning to regret this.

After a moment if silence, Stottlemeyer gently asked, "Randy, did you get me the book because you were trying to figure out if I was into men?"

Blushing, Randy nodded, afraid that words would betray him.

The captain continued, "And why would you care about something like that?"

Randy was at a loss for words. What could he possibly say that would save his ass? Since he had nothing to say, he did the only logical thing. He learned forward and kissed his captain right on the lips.

It only lasted a few seconds, but they both just started at each other after pulling away. Randy couldn't believe he had just done that. Now he just had to wait for the captain to tell him he was fired. That stupid book, this was all it's fault!

Stottlemeyer, however, had different ideas.

"You know Randy, there were a few things in that book that I wouldn't mind trying out." He leaned closer so their faces were only inches apart.

"Are you interested?"

Randy couldn't believe what he was hearing. The captain actually wanted him!! Still, it sounded too good to be true.

"You're serious sir?" asked Randy cautiously.

"Well, you did ask what I really thought of the book, so I figured it would be easier to show you." He smiled deviously at his lieutenant.

Randy returned the smile. Did he ever mention how much he loved that book?

THE END

So, that's it for now. If I'm feeling ambitious, I may put up a sequel with the boys attempting things from the book. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated!


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